Eat, Pray, NO Love

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I'm on a journey...

just like you.

I started on this journey, like most, craving some control. I lost my job I broke up with a man I loved very deeply and I sat in my New York City apartment and cried, a lot. I got my hopes up for interviews, jobs and people I thought would bring about a much-needed change. I organized and redecorated my apartment. I took long walks, long showers, long everything. I stewed in the juices of my own sorrow for many, MANY long hours.


I’m 36, unmarried, with no children. 


My bank account is at a less than desirable number. I have little to no savings, and a credit score that makes me sweat every time I think of it. I’ve had more jobs than I can fit on my resume, with no distinguishable career path.  I have NONE of the things I dreamed about as a child. None of the things I see scrolling past my eyes on my Facebook feed.


The only dream I’ve had since childhood, has been to have a family. To fall in love with the perfect man, to want to share our lives so deeply we choose to have a baby. All the bulls**t you see in the movies. And now, plastered all over Instagram.


To say I felt inadequate was an understatement. 


I said to myself, you have a choice here. You can keep feeling sorry for yourself about the life you don’t have, or you can mourn the death of that dream and do something you NEVER would have been able to do if you HAD that life. The perfect marriage and family wouldn’t allow you to drop your life and travel the world full time. So get off your ass and do that. Stop crying and get some courage. Because you can, and it’s the only thing you have control over right now.


I hatched a plan to leave my life in New York City and live out of my suitcase. To see all the places I’d been dying to see. To get out of my rut and into the world. Packed up my life, sold and what I could, and gave away the rest. Bought all the tickets and made all the plans. Took a full-on nose dive into the imperfect and unknown. The uncomfortable, the messy, the magical.


So now here I am at a coffee shop in Australia. Fuck being perfect. My future is unplanned, I have no home and bag full of dirty laundry. Every moment is an unexpected gem. Sometimes it’s amazing. Sometimes I feel so lonely and want to cry. Sometimes I do. It’s absolutely imperfect and takes ton of courage to stick with. I choose it every day , even the days I want to turn around.


Some of my friends call this an Eat, Pray, Love journey.


I’ve read the book at least 10 times. Where this journey actually came from, was a place in my life where I had no love. Well, no romantic love anyway.  


I started writing to spark inspiration for those who are at an unexpected place in their lives too. Maybe you don’t have the job you wanted. Maybe you’re single like me and feel some deep shame about that. Maybe you’re out of your 20’s and wondering what to do. Your life or career is less than perfect and your apartment is a mess. This can be your gift if you let it.  


Your life is a recipe and the grocery store is closed. Your job it to make the best meal out of whatever is in your cabinet. You can do it, I believe in you. Now you need to believe in you too. Find the magic, it’s in there. Let go of the way you think it’s supposed to look, and let it look the way it is. Trust me when I tell you, it feels way better. You’ll inspire others and maybe, you’ll inspire yourself. By no means have I mastered this yet, but I work on it. Every. Damn. Day.


Be brave in the face of your ambitions. It takes courage, more than once, to live them. Inside this, you’ll find what is looking for you.


Stay wild friends

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